Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
