My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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