Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
