Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize