yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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