Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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