The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Floor bacon is actually really good
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize