I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize