I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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