I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
