i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
