it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize