Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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