Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
