My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
