just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
