I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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