Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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