Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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