hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
