Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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