this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
