and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize