i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
time to smoke my breakfast
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
