Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
