That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
