If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize