hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
