after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize