Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
