on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
