I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
