my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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