Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
