Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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