I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
