...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
