this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
