i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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