I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
