ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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