using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I want a musical about memes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
