If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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