Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
