Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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