What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Life is so much better after having sex.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize