the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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