Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
