I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
