After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
