Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We are two peas in an std pod
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
