btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
we should paint friendship bongs
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