Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
