just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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