got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
