If i come over, it means nothing
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
