Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
