Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
