What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
