Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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