i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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