are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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