That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize