look no pants
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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