i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
