I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
